smile..

A sinking captain of a sinking ship

Sunlight blinds my eyes and ignominy my visage

Sea water in my eyes

Maddening silence in my ears

Or perhaps I have gone deaf

That I can not hear the clamour of refusal coming from the sea.

All I have is a sinking feeling

That too sinks with me.

Unable to belong anywhere

My tears too float

May be they are denser

Or may be they are just dense..

Love..stubbed out

Love like a cigarette burns,
To ashes my heart turns.

With time the flame dies,
Stubbed out on an ashtray love lies.

Wounds black and grey spattered,
Pieces of my ashen heart scattered.

Stifling pain hangs dense in air,
Passion freezes into a meaningless stare.

I try hard to make sense of what lies before me,
But smoke and only smoke fills eternity.

Like a cruel heart I kick dead dogs,
And put to fire lifeless hopes.

Caught between knowing and not knowing I gradually perish,
Like smoke I hang mysteriously in air and vanish.

Another day ends just like the last one,
Another cigarette burns just like the last burn.

resurrection

resurrection

Death came unannounced to the dog
that lay dead near the car.
so alive
his dead form.
and i see him lifting his head now
turning it slightly in the direction of his mourner
he might have wagged his tale as well
contented to have a mourner.
but hey who mourns dead dogs here!

the mourner looked once
and walked away mumbling
"why don't they pick him up!"
and throw him somewhere he can not be seen.

of course dead dogs should not rot here.

and the dog was dead again.
and i wrote a poem about it.
of course who mourns dead dogs here.

everybody says i'm fine

everybody says i'm fine


sick and rude i feel
forcibily being forged by the chisels of the time pass world.
and the eyes i meet are the eyes of hollow sheepish dreams.
and faces are masks melting away from the heat of life.
afraid anxious nervous -- "nooo! nothing's wrong!" "everything is fine!"
they drip and drip and drip of pretentious happiness.
a happiness they never understand
a happiness made up of cloudy smiles.
essences bleed and drops fall unceasingly like silent mountains.

"i'm happy!" "i'm sooo happy!" "noooo!" "yaaa!" "byeee!"
"hiiii!" "shit!" "he he he he!"

they have all covered their eyes with slime.
and they dream mechanized dreams,
like music boxes--

"you open them, they a play a nice tune, you be happy and 'cool'!"
"everyone has them man!"

i better have one soon too
i better have one soon too!
and break it to pieces into their faces!

i don't sleep anymore.

I DON'T SLEEP ANYMORE PEOPLE!

follow follow follow follow.... keep following...

"they ain't doin what they like man!"

so what? what's the big deal in that! do you know what you like?
do you? really?

and the circus goes on...
of course, the show must go on.
of course.

"never mind how sick it is!"

"cooochie pooh!"

"everyone is watching it!"

"don't you see!"

i'm sick.

catch22

how can i be honest to this piece of paper down to the last bit? how can i put down the small and the large webs of conversations that i have with my own self when i, most of the time, am not conscious or semi-conscious of them? how can i give them a vent, a wild natural opening and a space so that they can come out as they are in their pristine most state? how can i be conscious of the unconscious or the sub conscious when the moment i become, or try to become, conscious of them they are no longer the part of the unconscious?